DEAR ANNIE: I recently found a pair of earrings missing from my jewelry box. These earrings had belonged to my mother. My sister-in-law spoke of wanting them and feeling (for some unknown reason that she herself could not express) that she deserved them. I have no proof that she took them. I don’t even know how long they’ve been missing.
What should I do? –Suspicious
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: If your sister-in-law took the earrings, then she has to live with herself knowing that she stole something. As they say, you can buy many things, but you can’t buy a good conscience. Next time you see your sister-in-law, tell her that they are missing and ask if her husband has seen them around. You could also ask your brother if he has seen Mom’s earrings around the house — without accusing anyone; you are simply on a mission to find them.
DEAR ANNIE: I’m writing in reference to the man who is convinced his wife threw his old jeans out and yelled at him because he has bipolar disorder. It isn’t her bipolar disorder causing her to behave that way; it’s you!
I don’t have bipolar disorder, and yet my husband drove me to react the same way. He wears nice clothes for his office and then comes home and puts rags on for me to look at all night. He would have had nice jeans and shirts in his closet, but instead he ate dinner and watched TV dressed like he was going to change his oil or do some painting. He would also try to go places with me dressed like that.
“I’m not going to see anyone I know,” he would say, and I replied, “I have to look at you! Thanks a lot for trying to look nice for me.”
The biggest frustration is that I have always tried to look nice for him.
I regularly took my husband’s raggedy clothes and cut them up to make cleaning rags from them. I did this so he would not continue to wear them. He was an absolute embarrassment. One day, he wanted to go somewhere, and I went to get in the car with my old painting jeans and sweatshirt, no makeup, hair hanging in my eyes. He said, “Aren’t you going to change?” I said, “No, I’m not going to see anyone I know.” — Fed-Up Wife
DEAR FED UP: On the one hand, you could see at it how flattering it is that your husband feels so comfortable with you that he doesn’t have to impress you. Instead, it sounds more like he is taking you for granted and you are tired of it. Marriage takes work, and part of that work is not taking the other for granted. Get curious about why he doesn’t feel the need to dress nice in front of you.
MORE FROM DEAR ANNIE:
Dear Annie: Son wants to bring 10 people to his mother’s house, but her septic system can’t handle that load
Dear Annie: Teenage marriages, hidden vaping and pornography addictions
Dear Annie: My daughter has two wonderful little boys with a man who has proven to be unfaithful
Dear Annie: I want nothing to do with my wife’s friends
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and ebook. Visit http://www.creatorpublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
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